Its good that i can write again in this blog after a while, i realized that its been a while for me not to write some reflection in my blog which i did a lot in my previous years before i came to Singapore. Its been a while for me not to sit in front of computer and thinking what's the Lord has done in my life. Just feel that maybe i wasted one of His gift in me to write.
Maybe some of you know about my life for past two years. Its been a hard time for me for a past 2 years, especially since i came to Singapore. Even i thought that i dont belong to this country to have some settle life or proper job.
When i came to Singapore, that's the first time i stay far from my family and in that time, i realize that i'm still a boyish kind of thing which sometimes i cant even decide a simple things for my own life. But i know that He never stop guide me with His grace through His angels which is the people surround me. Through this hard time, He taught me like a father. I know that i'm a stubborn person and very childish, so maybe He thinks that its time for me to be more mature and taught me how to be a leader, maybe its not for the people in my life first but the leader for myself and for my own life. Because i believe that every man was destined to be a leader, even not for a big organization, but definitely to be a leader in his own family.
Maybe you cant believe how can I still standing until this time if you know all the details from my hard times. From I lost my job because I didn’t pass the probation when the first time I came to SG and I must jobless in SG for 1 month, my marriage cancellation and I broke up with my ex-gf, I’ve got a financial problem which is still related with my ex-gf, I’ve got 20% paycut on 2009, skin problem along this 2010, and the financial problem still continue until this year which is just finished within this year.
I know, maybe there are some people that have much worst than me, but after I go through it all, now I just realized that its just part of God’s plan in my life. Of course I’m angry with Him, I’m complaining all the time, I’ve been so rebellious to Him, I felt that I cant pray anymore, I felt so abandoned, felt that I’m alone, and keep believing in my mind that all the negative things will keep always happen in my life. But, deep inside my heart I know that I cant be far from Him. I know that when I’m angry, I’m not totally blame Him for what happened in my life. And I’m sure, He knows all things that I kept in my heart and in my mind.
Just like a little kid, when I feel that a bit down and abandoned, I choose to stay away for a while from Him which I always imagine as my father. Until I felt, He come to me and say “What’s happened with you?” . Even sometimes, I really felt that He’s not around for sometime and i started to look for Him again. But its like, every time He knows that I look for Him, He always there for me.
After this past 2 years, I feel that He change everything in my life. I feel that He starts to giving me all the good things in my life. And when I was realized it, I also realized that its not only my life has been change, but also the whole of me. My personality, my mindset about the future, I feel that I’m born again as a new man. I know what I should do in my life and keep my eyes on Him as my guidance in my life. I realized and I believe, everything happen for a reason, and if its not make you die, than it will make you more stronger than before. I can testify now, that He wont abandoned you at all, even in the hardest time in your life, just keep believing in Him and never lose your hope in Him, because He will answer all you prayers no matter what.
I know, there’ll be a lot of problems in the future because my journey is still far and sometimes there’s still a trauma inside me to face the future, but after I look back again, I believe that He wont let me go at all, because I’m in the right hand now.
Btw, the title of my testimony, I took it from one of the Israel Houghton’s song called Still Standing, and I really struck by this song. Its really remind me again how God really keep me standing by His grace, and taught me to keep fighting with my spirit in Him.