Still Standing...

Its good that i can write again in this blog after a while, i realized that its been a while for me not to write some reflection in my blog which i did a lot in my previous years before i came to Singapore. Its been a while for me not to sit in front of computer and thinking what's the Lord has done in my life. Just feel that maybe i wasted one of His gift in me to write.

Anyway...

Maybe some of you know about my life for past two years. Its been a hard time for me for a past 2 years, especially since i came to Singapore. Even i thought that i dont belong to this country to have some settle life or proper job.

When i came to Singapore, that's the first time i stay far from my family and in that time, i realize that i'm still a boyish kind of thing which sometimes i cant even decide a simple things for my own life. But i know that He never stop guide me with His grace through His angels which is the people surround me. Through this hard time, He taught me like a father. I know that i'm a stubborn person and very childish, so maybe He thinks that its time for me to be more mature and taught me how to be a leader, maybe its not for the people in my life first but the leader for myself and for my own life. Because i believe that every man was destined to be a leader, even not for a big organization, but definitely to be a leader in his own family.

Maybe you cant believe how can I still standing until this time if you know all the details from my hard times. From I lost my job because I didn’t pass the probation when the first time I came to SG and I must jobless in SG for 1 month, my marriage cancellation and I broke up with my ex-gf, I’ve got a financial problem which is still related with my ex-gf, I’ve got 20% paycut on 2009, skin problem along this 2010, and the financial problem still continue until this year which is just finished within this year.

I know, maybe there are some people that have much worst than me, but after I go through it all, now I just realized that its just part of God’s plan in my life. Of course I’m angry with Him, I’m complaining all the time, I’ve been so rebellious to Him, I felt that I cant pray anymore, I felt so abandoned, felt that I’m alone, and keep believing in my mind that all the negative things will keep always happen in my life. But, deep inside my heart I know that I cant be far from Him. I know that when I’m angry, I’m not totally blame Him for what happened in my life. And I’m sure, He knows all things that I kept in my heart and in my mind.

Just like a little kid, when I feel that a bit down and abandoned, I choose to stay away for a while from Him which I always imagine as my father. Until I felt, He come to me and say “What’s happened with you?” . Even sometimes, I really felt that He’s not around for sometime and i started to look for Him again. But its like, every time He knows that I look for Him, He always there for me.

After this past 2 years, I feel that He change everything in my life. I feel that He starts to giving me all the good things in my life. And when I was realized it, I also realized that its not only my life has been change, but also the whole of me. My personality, my mindset about the future, I feel that I’m born again as a new man. I know what I should do in my life and keep my eyes on Him as my guidance in my life. I realized and I believe, everything happen for a reason, and if its not make you die, than it will make you more stronger than before. I can testify now, that He wont abandoned you at all, even in the hardest time in your life, just keep believing in Him and never lose your hope in Him, because He will answer all you prayers no matter what.

I know, there’ll be a lot of problems in the future because my journey is still far and sometimes there’s still a trauma inside me to face the future, but after I look back again, I believe that He wont let me go at all, because I’m in the right hand now.

Btw, the title of my testimony, I took it from one of the Israel Houghton’s song called Still Standing, and I really struck by this song. Its really remind me again how God really keep me standing by His grace, and taught me to keep fighting with my spirit in Him.

If life like a bustop....

Let say if its only my random thoughts, but i did it often when i was in Jakarta and sometimes since i came to Singapore. I do really like to apply everything that happen around me to my life and as reflection for a journey in my life in God's grace.

This morning, i was wait for the bus to my office after i alight in one of the MRT station. And i'm started to complain because the bus come so long, it takes about 15mnts i guess to wait.

But when i started complaining this, suddenly something bring me back when the time usually i did after office hour. Usually after office hour, i walk with my colleague to the bustop, because we usually took the bus from the same bustop. Sometimes my bus came first before his, so if i have an appointment on that day, usually i just ran and chase the bus, even its still 200meters away or more. But the funny thing is, sometimes i didnt do that. Even i already see my bus are coming, i just said to my friend that i dont wanna ruin my beautiful day by end up running and chasing the bus. Then i just let the bus pass me by and wait for the next bus.

Sometimes in life, there are things that maybe we had to let go. Maybe God's wants us to have sometimes to enjoy our life, maybe only for spend some times with our loved ones or just share the joyfulness to others. The bus that i'm talking is like the chance in our life about anything Maybe you can say it as job, love, carrier, or anything that you can say it as a big chance in our life. There are some bus that maybe the frequency is not that long, but there are some took very long to wait. If its around Bugis, Orchard, we can know it by looking the time board on th bustop, but if its not? of course we can find it on the GPS, but still, what if there's no GPS? We never know when it comes.

In Life, we also never know when all the chances comes in our life. But we have God as our GPS as well. And we can connect to Him 24/7 without Starhub or Sigtel data plan. But sometimes we dont realized about it. Sometimes we can be like kiasu and want to take everything when it comes to our life, same like most of the people when they're waiting the bus or MRT, tryin to get the place when the bus or MRT come without thinking about others. But if they want to take a look for a moment at the board time, maybe the next train or bus only 2 minutes away. Even we never knows what their needs in that time, maybe they need to rush or there's an urgent things. But i dont think its right if their pushing on someone or cut the queuing.

If you realized, sometimes we also do that in our life without giving a chance to God to work on His grace in our life maximum. We forgot to give Him a spare time and to show us how beautiful life is.

Learn how to let go some things and some chances in our life, sometimes show us how to learn to defeat our ego and our ambition as well. And to learn how to surrender our plan and life in God's hand. But of course it will takes sometime for you to discern of all the things that you gonna decide in your life. For me, i always learn how to offer all my decision that i'm gonna take in prayer to Him, even its only take 10 minutes for the urgent decision, but i guess that's how we started to involve God in our life, in every detail in our life.

So, let's start to give Him a space in every detail in our life, so we can see His grace and His work in our life more clearly and we can start to be the witness of His love for others through our life.

Have a blessed day all... GB

Always...

Today, i went to the Ascension of our Lord sunset mass at St. Peter and Paul. It's been a long time for me since my time seems getting tighter especially since a few months ago.

I realize that i also must keep to maintaining a lot of relation in my life. Because i realize, life is about to maintaining relations. Not only relation between you and your loved ones, but also our relation with God. Actually that the first thing that we must take care of, but like me...i know that so many times i ignore it about the time that i should take as a quality time between me and Him. I realized it when i went to the adoration room before mass began. Feels like i'm home again. My heart, my mind, feels like being rest in somewhere that far from this hectic life.

After i reached home, like usually, i just go online, open my laptop, and starts to play music in my iTunes. And suddenly i remember one song that i found this morning in Youtube. Song from one of my favorite Christian band, Building 429. I don't know why, but i think this is the second time that He touch me again with their song. The title of the song is the same like this blog title, "Always"

The lyrics is reminding me again about His promise, about His presence in my life. Which is, as similar like Jesus said before His ascension day that He won't leave us alone, even He came back to His father, He won't leave us alone, because He is Emmanuel...

Thank you, Lord for keeping me always in Your hands...

Here's the lyrics...

Always ~ Building 429

I was standing in the pouring rain one dark, November night;
fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye.
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled and to my surprise
she pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
she said, "He would of been three today. I miss his smile. I miss his face."
What was I supposed to say?

But I believe always, always our savior never fails.
Even when all hope is gone,
God knows our pain
and his promise remains. He will be with you always.

he was living in a broken world dreaming of a home
his heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside

he's barely holding on to faith
but deliverance is on its way

because I believe always, always
our savior never fails.
Even when all hope is gone,
God knows our pain
and his promise remains. He will be with you always.

Friend I don't know where you are
and I don't know where you've been.
Maybe you're fighting for your life
just about to throw the towel in,
but if you 're crying out for mercy
if there's no hope left at all
if you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall
well hold on,
hold on ,
hold on

Because I believe always, always
our savior never fails.
Even when all faith is gone,
God knows our pain
and his promise remains always. always.
He will be with you always.
He will be with you always.
He will be with you.

Hope...

Just try to write down again on my blog, maybe after almost one year i didnt write anything on it. Sometimes i just take a look at it, but my brain is became stuck because i dont have an idea o write something on it. Or maybe because its too much in my mind so i dont know which one i must start to write. So now i try to write down again that i have in my mind, so the symphony of the words in my life can be still keep as a symphony of my life.

After almost one year i've been struggle with so many things in my life, i just realize there's is one thing that He really taught me. And its all about HOPE.

There's a lot of things that i've been through since i was in Singapore. Feels like that everything had been taken from me. Include all the comfortness in my life, all the plan and all the settlement that i've already made for the future in my ife. Of course, as a human, there were a time when i always been complained to Him. Not blaming Him, but its only complain and i always throw the same questions day by day, "Why me?", "What should i do?", even sometimes, nowadays, i still ask that last question. I think, the question is changing during the time and the process as well.

But in that time, what i dont realize, that i've been stucked in the problem that i have, even though i'm still in the process to settle it down and finalize it, but one thing i realize...that i forgot to put my hope in Him.

It's like i'm walking around and round try to find the way out by myself without realize that my life is already in His hands. The only thing that i forgot is to keep hoping in Him. to asking Him day by day, like child asking his father when he want something to buy. Even sometimes, we feel that He never listen to what we said, but he did listen, only He just wait the right time to realize it. Maybe for some people, its sounds very common, but trust me, you will forget about it when all the probems in your life starts to falls down on you like a thousand brick wall tearing down on you.

I also realize, that keep yourself in a positive way is the way to maintain the HOPE to still alive in your heart and in your mind. Because I also realize that HOPE will keep you alive and survive in the midst of the storm in your life. So, in case you have a big big problems, dont keep it in mind as a negative things, like it dont have a way out, like it never ends from your life.

So just keep your hope in Him, keep positive. I really thank Him that He sent His angel to be by my side. Through her, He keep telling how to be patience and stronger in my life now. Trust me, He always send His best guardian angel to keep you stronger and to keep you walking in yourlife.


"Don't lose hope. When the sun goes down, the stars come"
~ dedicated to my angel, Jessica Tj. ~

Amazed...

I took this title from one of the song title that had been given from my friend around last week i think. Since yesterday I just listen to this song again, but i don't know why...the song sounds really different since yesterday. Sounds really calm, cool, and really peaceful when the voice comes to my ears and it ends in my heart.

And without any particular reason, since this morning until now actually, i just listen only this one song. If it can, I think my iPod will be scream, because i always repeat to the same song..hahaha...

But when i listening to this song, i don't know why, it just bring me more deeper into a worship ambience inside my heart and start filling up my heart with the lyrics, "Lord, i'm amazed by You...Lord, i'm amazed by You...Lord, i'm amazed by You...How You love me..."...and it began like a prayer from me to Him. Just reflect all things that happened in my life for past half year....and i'm really really amazed about how He love me.....even during this time, i know all this things happened because He is letting it happened in my life, but sometimes i felt like i'm very tired to facing all the problems in my life, sometimes i cannot stand any more to walk even to look at Him and say a little prayer to Him. But deep deep inside my heart, i know that i cannot stay away from Him too far, and i never angry or complaining to Him for what happened in my life, because i also know, it happened because of my sin and my mistakes..so i just take what i deserved and just continuing my journey in Him...

Since few month a go, i just feel that i'm too tired to walk again...too tired to carry all the burdens in my life...and i know ( again ), it's because i'm just too far from Him...just feel that i want give Him a shout just only for a help to rise me up again, but it feels like i dont have any strength to do that..one i just feel that i'm very tired...

Today, He just really really amazed me...after He using that song to touch my heart again, He using one of my friend from young adult ministry at St. Mary of the Angels Parish to sent me His message through Facebook...It's just like a prophecy for me actually, she said, "God has given you a wonderful gift of wisdom to recognise His presence in everything because everything you see with the eyes of faith in Jesus will only turn to good. You are truly blessed..."

I hope it can really encourage to those who read this blog also...because what i've already experienced, a quote that He never let us go...It's totally true!! AS LONG AS we keep our focus in Him also. Because His promise never fails...Emmanuel...He always be with us...


"God works with those who love him, those who have been called in accordance with his purpose, and turns EVERYTHING to their good." Romans 8:28

One Year Reflection….

“…when we are walking in the desert alone, that’s the time when we start learn how to shout for help to Him and willing to surrender everything to God, letting His become ours…”

Again another one year has passed away in my life. One year with so many adventure in my life with Him alone, adventure in the sense of going through this life with all ups and downs, hurts and joys, tears and laughter’s, falls and rise again, Living alone in another country alone, it is not an easy way actually. Especially for the first time experience being alone, far away from family, and your loved ones…

Feels like being in a retreat for the last one year…living in a west coast of Singapore, where there’s still a lot of hill and so many green area especially in front of the place where I living now, that’s make me feel more like living in a retreat season for last one year. Feels like being a clay in a burning place, burn with all the problems that strikes me for last one year…but I realized, all the things that already happen in my life, its all according to His will and also formed me as a better person each days, as a better person that knows he’s not alone, but he has a good friend that always be there for him…

Just remember the story two of my favorite guys in the bible, David and Moses…
Those two guys have a similar hard times, it’s just like one of a seasons in their life also, and being prepared with God to be His tools, a leader for His people.,
David have his hard times when Saul chase him around because of he’s jealous to David’s popularity. Even Saul chased not only for catch him but also for kill him.
Moses have his hard times when he must walking in the desert alone, and after he running out his water and food that he brought, he almost died.

I am not saying that God is prepare me as a leader or something…I don’t even know what He’s trying to tell me with all that happened before in my life, what I feel it’s just that I know, I learned how to always run to Him everyday, even always in a different way, but I learned how to always put all my hope in Him, learned how to put my heart in His presence everyday.

I learned also to stay in a silence in the presence of God, in front of Blessed Sacrament, now become my favorite place to run, down to my knee and cry. A place to rest my heart down, a place to put all my mind and all my thought down, a place where I can really feel that He is here, everywhere, beside me, inside me, a place to enjoying the time with Him alone and put all the crowded things that I have inside…

I don’t want to share all the problems that I’ve passed before one by one, but what I want to share is the greatness of God, His faithfulness to me…
Share that it’s not me who can go through all of this…but He is, my Lord and my God alone…

Have a blessed day…

Let me see the world through Your eyes...

Through these hardest time..
I come to bow down to You...
With all my pain, with all my tears...
Coz I know You carried me always...
Through Your way, I put my feet...
To stand and to keep my eyes to You..
Keep my heart in Your righteousness...
Hold me in to You, Lord...
Never let me change what i've seen....
Just let me see the world through Your eyes....