Still Standing...

Its good that i can write again in this blog after a while, i realized that its been a while for me not to write some reflection in my blog which i did a lot in my previous years before i came to Singapore. Its been a while for me not to sit in front of computer and thinking what's the Lord has done in my life. Just feel that maybe i wasted one of His gift in me to write.

Anyway...

Maybe some of you know about my life for past two years. Its been a hard time for me for a past 2 years, especially since i came to Singapore. Even i thought that i dont belong to this country to have some settle life or proper job.

When i came to Singapore, that's the first time i stay far from my family and in that time, i realize that i'm still a boyish kind of thing which sometimes i cant even decide a simple things for my own life. But i know that He never stop guide me with His grace through His angels which is the people surround me. Through this hard time, He taught me like a father. I know that i'm a stubborn person and very childish, so maybe He thinks that its time for me to be more mature and taught me how to be a leader, maybe its not for the people in my life first but the leader for myself and for my own life. Because i believe that every man was destined to be a leader, even not for a big organization, but definitely to be a leader in his own family.

Maybe you cant believe how can I still standing until this time if you know all the details from my hard times. From I lost my job because I didn’t pass the probation when the first time I came to SG and I must jobless in SG for 1 month, my marriage cancellation and I broke up with my ex-gf, I’ve got a financial problem which is still related with my ex-gf, I’ve got 20% paycut on 2009, skin problem along this 2010, and the financial problem still continue until this year which is just finished within this year.

I know, maybe there are some people that have much worst than me, but after I go through it all, now I just realized that its just part of God’s plan in my life. Of course I’m angry with Him, I’m complaining all the time, I’ve been so rebellious to Him, I felt that I cant pray anymore, I felt so abandoned, felt that I’m alone, and keep believing in my mind that all the negative things will keep always happen in my life. But, deep inside my heart I know that I cant be far from Him. I know that when I’m angry, I’m not totally blame Him for what happened in my life. And I’m sure, He knows all things that I kept in my heart and in my mind.

Just like a little kid, when I feel that a bit down and abandoned, I choose to stay away for a while from Him which I always imagine as my father. Until I felt, He come to me and say “What’s happened with you?” . Even sometimes, I really felt that He’s not around for sometime and i started to look for Him again. But its like, every time He knows that I look for Him, He always there for me.

After this past 2 years, I feel that He change everything in my life. I feel that He starts to giving me all the good things in my life. And when I was realized it, I also realized that its not only my life has been change, but also the whole of me. My personality, my mindset about the future, I feel that I’m born again as a new man. I know what I should do in my life and keep my eyes on Him as my guidance in my life. I realized and I believe, everything happen for a reason, and if its not make you die, than it will make you more stronger than before. I can testify now, that He wont abandoned you at all, even in the hardest time in your life, just keep believing in Him and never lose your hope in Him, because He will answer all you prayers no matter what.

I know, there’ll be a lot of problems in the future because my journey is still far and sometimes there’s still a trauma inside me to face the future, but after I look back again, I believe that He wont let me go at all, because I’m in the right hand now.

Btw, the title of my testimony, I took it from one of the Israel Houghton’s song called Still Standing, and I really struck by this song. Its really remind me again how God really keep me standing by His grace, and taught me to keep fighting with my spirit in Him.

If life like a bustop....

Let say if its only my random thoughts, but i did it often when i was in Jakarta and sometimes since i came to Singapore. I do really like to apply everything that happen around me to my life and as reflection for a journey in my life in God's grace.

This morning, i was wait for the bus to my office after i alight in one of the MRT station. And i'm started to complain because the bus come so long, it takes about 15mnts i guess to wait.

But when i started complaining this, suddenly something bring me back when the time usually i did after office hour. Usually after office hour, i walk with my colleague to the bustop, because we usually took the bus from the same bustop. Sometimes my bus came first before his, so if i have an appointment on that day, usually i just ran and chase the bus, even its still 200meters away or more. But the funny thing is, sometimes i didnt do that. Even i already see my bus are coming, i just said to my friend that i dont wanna ruin my beautiful day by end up running and chasing the bus. Then i just let the bus pass me by and wait for the next bus.

Sometimes in life, there are things that maybe we had to let go. Maybe God's wants us to have sometimes to enjoy our life, maybe only for spend some times with our loved ones or just share the joyfulness to others. The bus that i'm talking is like the chance in our life about anything Maybe you can say it as job, love, carrier, or anything that you can say it as a big chance in our life. There are some bus that maybe the frequency is not that long, but there are some took very long to wait. If its around Bugis, Orchard, we can know it by looking the time board on th bustop, but if its not? of course we can find it on the GPS, but still, what if there's no GPS? We never know when it comes.

In Life, we also never know when all the chances comes in our life. But we have God as our GPS as well. And we can connect to Him 24/7 without Starhub or Sigtel data plan. But sometimes we dont realized about it. Sometimes we can be like kiasu and want to take everything when it comes to our life, same like most of the people when they're waiting the bus or MRT, tryin to get the place when the bus or MRT come without thinking about others. But if they want to take a look for a moment at the board time, maybe the next train or bus only 2 minutes away. Even we never knows what their needs in that time, maybe they need to rush or there's an urgent things. But i dont think its right if their pushing on someone or cut the queuing.

If you realized, sometimes we also do that in our life without giving a chance to God to work on His grace in our life maximum. We forgot to give Him a spare time and to show us how beautiful life is.

Learn how to let go some things and some chances in our life, sometimes show us how to learn to defeat our ego and our ambition as well. And to learn how to surrender our plan and life in God's hand. But of course it will takes sometime for you to discern of all the things that you gonna decide in your life. For me, i always learn how to offer all my decision that i'm gonna take in prayer to Him, even its only take 10 minutes for the urgent decision, but i guess that's how we started to involve God in our life, in every detail in our life.

So, let's start to give Him a space in every detail in our life, so we can see His grace and His work in our life more clearly and we can start to be the witness of His love for others through our life.

Have a blessed day all... GB